Lost a Close friend of 5 years this week because slowly she was not seeing my vision and not giving it the respect it deserves. at the same time made me lose another friend who had potential in helping me with my future career.
sometimes its hard to lose track of what your passionate for and what youre loving. because all you want is support. but it means nothing without love. you can always respect and feel that someone cares for you or what youre drive is, but it's nothing without love. i can't love sometimes friends because my love is a different meaning. it doesn't mean i don't care. i need to save the love for myself. for everytime someone says i "Should love Myself first" i put my love for them off after my own love.
a close friend of mine actually reccomended me try an app tonight called "Happify" in which helps your stress and emotion with a series of games, its very resourceful in information, i'm hoping down the line it helps me mentally and emotionally.
since i've moved back to Ohio it seems things gotten more barren for me. and the people i once connected with in Arizona have started to distance me. one of my close friends has gone on to push me out now because i didn't accept her having a new relationship yet she was very open in showing her heart for me when she was single. another has gone and erased me afterwards due to the fact that i apparently am that toxic because of my doucheness at times as my sign of humor. it's really fucked up sometimes. and yet i came this way because of how i was treated. not to mention how people felt i needed to be.
i did know some people i unfortunatly can't talk with at times but i know they care. most from ohio. only two to three in Arizona i know are so busy in thier lives i can't have them come to me because of what i deal with because my life isn't important. but i hate times when i have to constanly message them. one in particluar is a gal i worked with in arizona who blogs like me in time to time for the sake of getting things out of the open. her stuff is really good. in some levels she can relate to me and we even worked together on a shoot that reflects our emotions. i feel like sometimes when i read her stuff. i care. i actually see alot of myself in her. yet we have gone through different scenarios and situations, the emotions are the same. she has an advantage but somehow i see myself in her. and i guess its why she means alot to me. even as a friend sometimes. i feel that it's really important what she talks about. yet i wish i could tel others why she does and feels these feelings the way she does. it's powerful her words are. and yet the dark makes her the most beautiful thing ive seen. from at least my perspective.
Here's my favorite picture of her shot by me. and please check out her blog to see what i mean. tell her shes beautiful and her words are as well.
Her Blog: https://logolepy.wordpress.com/
*Jurai Or Die*