Sunday, December 14, 2014

Youtube series coming 2015! and more info on Son OF Anarchy!

So as you guys may have not known, i officially made Youtube Partner!
which means starting 2015, i'll be doing a Webseries on my Youtube!
what will it be about?
that's up to you guys!
it will be a Review Series but its up to you guys to ask what you want me to review on, so please check out the video and Let me know in the description below the video! 
also info on my album, and more are also on the page!

and if you haven't yet, Subscribe now on my youtube page!

Stay Tuned.. More to Come, Shwight


Saturday, November 29, 2014

a Message to My Friends of My Rivals.

i said many times i'm not a perfect man.
but i don't like drama. let alone be the reason for it. 

i'm man enough to squash a rivalry or a hatred with an individual if an invitation is made. i admit it. I've done it before. if a certain person didn't do that dirty to me enough to make me bitter on them i will admit to not speaking ill will on ANYONE who i fell off with. doesn't matter. but DON'T expect me to beg for reconciliation. i will not BOW or Bend my knees to them for the friendship to be rekindled. If i'm done with the bullshit and if we can squash it i'll be man enough to squash it.
but otherwise i'm not begging. cause I've been humiliated already enough.and i'm man enough to end drama that maybe irrelevant. 
so to all my friends who are friends with the people who i fell out of alliances with sees this. tell them. let them know i'm making the move and willing to talk and reason. cause i said before i don't like conflicts.
and i'll be damn if i die tomorrow i don't end the conflicts i have of my own.
*jurai or die*

Monday, November 10, 2014

Done with the Fakeness.

The truth is everyone who says they understands you doesn't understand. they will be no different than the people who hate you. They will eventually leave you and make you feel horrible for it..that's why I regret being social sometimes. because you can be depressed like others, you can have anxiety, you can even have the same mental conditions as someone else, but there will be moments where you sadly have to realize they get tired and annoyed of even YOUR antics. it's happened to me now more than I realize, and it's because of things I've said or things I've done. choices I've made or decisions I've regretted. that's why at the end of the day I will have to face the music and go back to where I started. being antisocial. it was peaceful and yet it was never this much a emotional stress point. I don't even want to consider myself a "family" member of fan bases anymore because everyone else in them are ether judgmental or treat you like shit regardless. I've been a quiet loyal fan without people stabbing me in the back and I should have been that way earlier on. because it's been the fact that no fucking person judged me. It's bad enough the people I still reach out to still have ties to the people who have left me for shit. so fuck this life. It's not even the people who live in this state with me. It's people all over the world who have done this to me. The day I leave this city I start fresh. If you really want to prove you give a shit is the moment you will have to work to prove it. or at least prove it in general. I'm tired of people leaving me because I'm that annoying. you knew this would coming the moment you got to know me. I'm a annoying fuck. always will be. This is what makes me autistic and different. If you can't handle my antics yet you don't want to change on that then get the fuck away from me. you say you want people to accept who you are as is, yet you didn't accept me for who I am. As is. and the moment that happens and you leave me is the moment you're a piece of hypocritical bullshit with everyone else. This is why I will focus on me. No one else. You give a shit about me? shut the fuck up up and prove it with your actions. you know I do if it was on my end.

I'm Done Ranting. 
Fuck People.
*~jurai or die~*

Friday, August 1, 2014

Pardon My Heart for it's Constant Thoughts..(Poem)

It's hard to not think of her everyday.
to not say in a admiration or a thought of someone who knows your moves and yet knows only so little of you
when you know what they day in day, time, night, hour, week, or even at work, school, or even vacation.
obsession isn't what i'm taking action upon, 
interest is what i'm trying to explain.
she wants attention, yet it seems like it's too much a stretch to know what she's 
dreaming of, what she thinks about.
you want to text her, yet you can't over do it.
you don't try to conversate everyday, yet you want to wish her good morning,
good night, "you're beautiful as you always were everyday i know your existence."
everyday you know every action you take,
you have a scenario you want to put her into it.
woman crush wednesdays don't do justice to how much you want
people to know of her existence.
you want to tell people of you heart beats for her everyday.
you want to make action plans that will include her in the future or even
the present.
it's bad enough you wonder who else thinks of her 
the same way.
you see photos of her with male friends
one half of you remembers she has more connection with your gender
the other hates the fact these men have the 
same opportunities as you into capturing her heart.
you want her to be not some fairy tale,
not some children's nursery story,
not some romantic comedy,
you want realism.
you want a moment to be with her and she gets mad at you because you overreact
even when you do something that doesn't pertain to both of you.
you want a moment when she finds the stupidest thing you do 
enough to make her laugh.
you want a moment when anything you achieve 
she feels like you deserve in some way and you can tell her," you made this possible for me, because you
believed in me."
you want a moment where you can just be fucking happy you get to hold her hand or she grabs your arm. and you walk side to side and not speak a word and 
even have a moment to look at each others eyes.
no words needed. 
beyond texts.
beyond a mentions
beyond the shout out.
beyond the subliminal messages
and beyond the snapchats.


for a woman i am thinking of tonight while listening to this song. 
intimacy included.

Pardon my Bluntness.
(poem by me.)

*jurai or die*

Monday, July 28, 2014

My Situation.

I'm sorry to Everyone. For everything. 
They are upset of who i changed to be or upset of my loyalty. upset that i am not the friend i used to be during the days i've been upset pushing them away or taking my anger out on them. loving one or some of them so much it kills me or saying i've betrayed them or even saying i've taken advantage of them. 
"To Be Honest", I am The one at Fault because i have hurt people, i have people who have said i've overstepped boundaries, some who have even said i did things of nature that was wrong in general. i don't have to tell you what ive done if you knew it, i don't have to tell you what i've done if you feel confused. i have a hard enough time as it is being me.

for the past few days i had to go to the hospital because i had a heart attack. now mind you, im not asking for sympathy, because this maybe something i was cursed to have because i did something wrong. 
this maybe something i deserved. 

i've dealt with this situation of character since i was in junior high, and some habits die hard. in one point, im considered an asshole. in another i'm considered a creeper. in one instance i'm considered a emotional drama queen. i'm all of those things in perspective. no lie. some of you don't even talk to me anymore because of those things. i know it, you can deny it, but it's true. i express myself only when i need to because i need to show that in reality i need to not hide anything. 
it's things like this i regret being social. because it seems my silence, is the best advice i need to give myself, because my voice is a curse. my thoughts is a curse. my personality is cursed, unattractive, and pointless.

*Jurai Or Die*

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Fare Thee Well Colossalcon...

as my last right mission, i have decided to post this Blog in Video Form .
In this case, I say this with all my heart.

watch below... see you in colossalcon.

*Jurai Or Die*

Friday, May 16, 2014

I'm Sorry.(no hidden message)

I was supposed to post a Birthday Long blog a few days ago. but a few things have happened since then.

1. got into a rebuttal with my mother that ended up almost getting me kicked off my own property by the police
2. my mother was almost disagnosed with leukimia.
3. received another rejection from another woman.

4. and finally, recently i asked for some honesty about my use of friendships from one of my closer friends.

her response:

"To be blunt, you come across as a consided douche, going on about race and religion. I have respect for a properly worded argument, but your way of expressing your side seems whiny and terribly once sided with no open-mindedness what so ever. You give people the impression of not matter what you can't be wrong, or polite to be perfectly honest. Everything revolves around you no matter how trivial, it's always something against you, and how terrible your life is. You make people feel bad for you then take advantage of them in one form or another. I hope you don't mean to do this, because it's ex termly rude and I'm usually good at reading people so that would go against my gut of giving you the benifit of the doubt."


whats even more shocking about that, is that she's right.
i am very hypocritical when it comes to religion, and sadly, it's because of my father, he forced me to convert and admire the religon due to my upbringing. but at the same time, i do make rants about my race and religion.

race mostly because while i feel no wrong at sometimes of my race, i am ashamed of it.
everyday in the media and in people younger than me, i see ignorance, fashion, style, the music we listen to, the shows we watch, the slang we come up with, ignorance. only a sliver of intellect i see most of the time in our youth and celebrities, most of the intellect i see is in my peers. my generation. people around my age. and its sad. most of my friends are younger than me, and some are not understanding on that still because they accept today's situation and views. but all in all. i am ashamed at times, and i talk a big talk. (again, another trait from my father.)

and finally. Sympathy. i could say my disabilty makes me a attention whore when im down or when im super depressed. but it could be any of those things. all i know is i guess i do it too much. and because of that i lose friendships, and even lose relationship opportunities. however the ONLY thing not true is the fact also that apparently i take advantage of  people's generosity. if i do, it's not by intent. never by intent. i mean that would make me PRETTY HYPOCRITICAL of that when i hate it myself right?

anyways, in realization of this. i want you, any friend, former lover, or even fan, who has seen or been a victim of this, i only have one thing to say.

i'm truly sorry.

i never meant to be this way nor did i intended this. this was beyond my own nature and truly not something i wanted to inhabit. and with this i give my deepest apologies.
i am willing to accept this and take responsibility on what i have done to hurt you or anyone else. it is said that sometimes the first step is to admitting you made a mistake, the second is to know you need to fix it.

i intend to fix this mistake.
the fact things have happend to me these past few weeks maybe karma at work for what ive done to people. and with that im accepting my punishment on that, whether it was my loss of a record deal and the fact i lost relationship opportunites and even loss of friends.

if i offended you or anyway insulted you by accident or in anyway due to my opinion, i apologize for that too.

if there is any simpler way to make it up to any of you, trust me it's best to tell me and i will do my best to work on it.

aside from that, i know im not perfect, this is a work in progress. but as long as those who still care support me and my growth, i will be able to make the change need in myself for myself and others.

this is all i know i need to do.

aside from this, thank you for the 200 fans on my facebook, and thank you for the birthday wishes if any.

oh, and here's Yoku Jr. be nice. he says hi.

Later Days. 

*Jurai Or Die*