Friday, August 1, 2014

Pardon My Heart for it's Constant Thoughts..(Poem)




It's hard to not think of her everyday.
to not say in a admiration or a thought of someone who knows your moves and yet knows only so little of you
when you know what they day in day, time, night, hour, week, or even at work, school, or even vacation.
obsession isn't what i'm taking action upon, 
interest is what i'm trying to explain.
she wants attention, yet it seems like it's too much a stretch to know what she's 
dreaming of, what she thinks about.
you want to text her, yet you can't over do it.
you don't try to conversate everyday, yet you want to wish her good morning,
good night, "you're beautiful as you always were everyday i know your existence."
everyday you know every action you take,
you have a scenario you want to put her into it.
woman crush wednesdays don't do justice to how much you want
people to know of her existence.
you want to tell people of you heart beats for her everyday.
you want to make action plans that will include her in the future or even
the present.
it's bad enough you wonder who else thinks of her 
the same way.
you see photos of her with male friends
one half of you remembers she has more connection with your gender
the other hates the fact these men have the 
same opportunities as you into capturing her heart.
you want her to be not some fairy tale,
not some children's nursery story,
not some romantic comedy,
you want realism.
you want a moment to be with her and she gets mad at you because you overreact
even when you do something that doesn't pertain to both of you.
you want a moment when she finds the stupidest thing you do 
enough to make her laugh.
you want a moment when anything you achieve 
she feels like you deserve in some way and you can tell her," you made this possible for me, because you
believed in me."
you want a moment where you can just be fucking happy you get to hold her hand or she grabs your arm. and you walk side to side and not speak a word and 
even have a moment to look at each others eyes.
no words needed. 
beyond texts.
beyond a mentions
beyond the shout out.
beyond the subliminal messages
and beyond the snapchats.

JUST. TO BE. WITH. HER. 

for a woman i am thinking of tonight while listening to this song. 
intimacy included.

Pardon my Bluntness.
(poem by me.)

*jurai or die*

Monday, July 28, 2014

My Situation.





I'm sorry to Everyone. For everything. 
They are upset of who i changed to be or upset of my loyalty. upset that i am not the friend i used to be during the days i've been upset pushing them away or taking my anger out on them. loving one or some of them so much it kills me or saying i've betrayed them or even saying i've taken advantage of them. 
"To Be Honest", I am The one at Fault because i have hurt people, i have people who have said i've overstepped boundaries, some who have even said i did things of nature that was wrong in general. i don't have to tell you what ive done if you knew it, i don't have to tell you what i've done if you feel confused. i have a hard enough time as it is being me.

for the past few days i had to go to the hospital because i had a heart attack. now mind you, im not asking for sympathy, because this maybe something i was cursed to have because i did something wrong. 
this maybe something i deserved. 

i've dealt with this situation of character since i was in junior high, and some habits die hard. in one point, im considered an asshole. in another i'm considered a creeper. in one instance i'm considered a emotional drama queen. i'm all of those things in perspective. no lie. some of you don't even talk to me anymore because of those things. i know it, you can deny it, but it's true. i express myself only when i need to because i need to show that in reality i need to not hide anything. 
it's things like this i regret being social. because it seems my silence, is the best advice i need to give myself, because my voice is a curse. my thoughts is a curse. my personality is cursed, unattractive, and pointless.

*Jurai Or Die*

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Fare Thee Well Colossalcon...

as my last right mission, i have decided to post this Blog in Video Form .
In this case, I say this with all my heart.

watch below... see you in colossalcon.



*Jurai Or Die*

Friday, May 16, 2014

I'm Sorry.(no hidden message)

I was supposed to post a Birthday Long blog a few days ago. but a few things have happened since then.

1. got into a reuttal with my mother that ended up almost getting me kicked off my own property by the police
2. my mother was almost disagnosed with leukimia.
3. received another rejection from another woman.

4. and finally, recently i asked for some honesty about my use of friendships from one of my closer friends.


her response:

"To be blunt, you come across as a consided douche, going on about race and religion. I have respect for a properly worded argument, but your way of expressing your side seems whiny and terribly once sided with no open-mindedness what so ever. You give people the impression of not matter what you can't be wrong, or polite to be perfectly honest. Everything revolves around you no matter how trivial, it's always something against you, and how terrible your life is. You make people feel bad for you then take advantage of them in one form or another. I hope you don't mean to do this, because it's ex termly rude and I'm usually good at reading people so that would go against my gut of giving you the benifit of the doubt."



wow.

whats even more shocking about that, is that she's right.
i am very hypocritical when it comes to religion, and sadly, it's because of my father, he forced me to convert and admire the religon due to my upbringing. but at the same time, i do make rants about my race and religion.

race mostly because while i feel no wrong at sometimes of my race, i am ashamed of it.
everyday in the media and in people younger than me, i see ignorance, fashion, style, the music we listen to, the shows we watch, the slang we come up with, ignorance. only a sliver of intellect i see most of the time in our youth and celebrities, most of the intellect i see is in my peers. my generation. people around my age. and its sad. most of my friends are younger than me, and some are not understanding on that still because they accept today's situation and views. but all in all. i am ashamed at times, and i talk a big talk. (again, another trait from my father.)

and finally. Sympathy. i could say my disabilty makes me a attention whore when im down or when im super depressed. but it could be any of those things. all i know is i guess i do it too much. and because of that i lose friendships, and even lose relationship opportunities. however the ONLY thing not true is the fact also that apparently i take advantage of  people's generosity. if i do, it's not by intent. never by intent. i mean that would make me PRETTY HYPOCRITICAL of that when i hate it myself right?

anyways, in realization of this. i want you, any friend, former lover, or even fan, who has seen or been a victim of this, i only have one thing to say.


I'M SORRY.
i'm truly sorry.

i never meant to be this way nor did i intended this. this was beyond my own nature and truly not something i wanted to inhabit. and with this i give my deepest apologies.
i am willing to accept this and take responsibility on what i have done to hurt you or anyone else. it is said that sometimes the first step is to admitting you made a mistake, the second is to know you need to fix it.

i intend to fix this mistake.
the fact things have happend to me these past few weeks maybe karma at work for what ive done to people. and with that im accepting my punishment on that, whether it was my loss of a record deal and the fact i lost relationship opportunites and even loss of friends.

if i offended you or anyway insulted you by accident or in anyway due to my opinion, i apologize for that too.

if there is any simpler way to make it up to any of you, trust me it's best to tell me and i will do my best to work on it.

aside from that, i know im not perfect, this is a work in progress. but as long as those who still care support me and my growth, i will be able to make the change need in myself for myself and others.

this is all i know i need to do.


aside from this, thank you for the 200 fans on my facebook, and thank you for the birthday wishes if any.

oh, and here's Yoku Jr. be nice. he says hi.

Later Days. 


*Jurai Or Die*


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

For the Fragile Hearted and Minded..

Brace yourselves. this is gonna be a long post. 

over my years being a survivor of mental and emotional suffering, i've noticed i've been able to at least reach out to some people, even minimal in time when it comes to relatable things.
infliction.
suicidal.
defitiences. 
indifference.
and massive emotional breakdowns.
the fact im able to talk and still function at times like alot of people i this world should stand as a testament to people who like me were unfourtunate at times.ive known people like myself to not be able to survive, or even be able to function, to the point total shutdown is the last resort. 
today two of my friends are dealing with that factor right now. while i truly care for them, i can't do anything to make them realize they have potential nor tell them that thigns will get better.
as someone who's heard these things, i can't lie to them that it will get better. cause sometimes it wont.
think about it. 
honesty, be it brutal, openly, or lightly has become a bigger use in the society today, to a point even celebrites use it. while its not considered a trend, it's becomeing a effection that is being more considered a quality, wheiter it's loyalty or even a relationship.
if anything i learned to let people who are in a situation to a point they ignore you or not respond due to thier own feelings is to let them deal with their own demons. you can't be a savior to everyone, at the same time, it shouldn't mean you should give up on them. it's only because it's a frustrating moment for them. 
i can't say or do anything to tell them they will be okay, but i will say to them that my unconditional love and support and concern for them will never die. becuase they would do the same for me. 
last year, i cried in a parking lot accross the street in the dead of night on a video because i felt there was nothing left to do. i had run out of options. i felt i was done. no more. ive been where they went. every person who's either dealt with emotional heartbreak, every self inflicted person, every person who's tried committed suciede. who was bullied because they were different. yet i have to force myself to rememeber one thing. 

i am still here. 
i haven't yet left. 
something is telling me stay. to help.
to tell another person who's dealt with what i dealt with to hold on alittle longer. 
to release their stress and tension,.
to cry alittle if it helps ease their pain. 
to make hug out your problems.
to take your anger out on something more useful.
to do whatever it takes to not harm yourself and feel useless.
cause we all have been that way in some point in time. 
and i was the one who felt it alot more than people.
bullied. insulted. told was wierd. creepy, stupid. dumbass,.
you all (especially my high school peers) have been witness to it all. and yet while i try to either fix my own problems or comfort someone else's, i never forgot where i started.
and that is the real reason i'm still alive.
because that little creepy nerd from high school wouldn't have made it. 
but the man who grew from him did.
and if i can survive this destructive world, 
then by hell the people i love can too.





*Jurai Or Die*

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The ANNOUNCEMENT.




To My RAVERS...
For the past 10 years my passion of music and my abilities  never showed a sign of slowing down, no matter what obsticles came my way, and no matter what i dealt with. i wanted to show people that my music was something that a person like me could accomplish, even when the deal was too great. 
lot of you have been there and seen it all, lost friendships and loves, gain partnerships and support. and through it all i have been blessed to make new music and gained respect from my peers in music. through this hard work i did on my own and with love and support from you all. from "the world according to" to "Delta Nexus" i had to hustle and Work hard to attain attention and even made sacrifices to push my music to the boundaries of success and recognition. and it seems somehow it was either make it or break it.

Until now.

as of March 3rd, i am proud to announce that I, Yoku Masaki, have made a lucrative Partnership and Distribution Deal with Gadsen Records.  This is what i have been waiting for a long time, and i can now say i will be making bigger moves then i ever could achieve. my first step in order is continued promotion of Delta Nexus, and further on details of my upcoming new EP which will be released very soon. 

for now, i wanted to share this Video, in which i take a trip down Memory Lane and my old home,where i started from in my music, to where i am today. i thank you for those who been with me since day one, and i hope you will stay on the continue ride to my glory.




THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.

*jurai or die* - since 1995.




Friday, March 7, 2014

BIG CHANGE IN STORE.

As you might have heard. I fell the need to MAKE this post here, on the blog that started it all for me.
for the past few years I've been a one man promotional army, making music and promoting myself to the point my potential has been overlooked and or has briefly been seen. I've released over 20 different projects, from beat-tapes and instrumentals to three albums.

I've also dealt with so much over the past 6 years i have released music, lost and gain things, people, and potential. but now i feel that this turning point for me has become a blessing.

as you may have paid attention, i had a conference call, my first one earlier last week, and i can honestly say this is my biggest announcement to ever been released.

stay tuned.

*Jurai or Die*

Followers