its me being stupid again.

i feel the need to explain things:
i am a man, yes, and yet i hate that sometimes my instincts get in the way, sometimes i hate that im not good communicating in how i feel about someone. when one moment i am sincere, and the next i sound like a douche when i wasn't trying to be. i guess it's cause of that reason i end up single. i feel like steve carell in the 40 year old virgin at times. cause i respect women so much i shouldn't be with one, cause no matter what i do i end up saying or doing something stupid. and then it builds up more to a woman to make me sound like i'm making excuses.
my father's side of the family has a history of bad relationships. they end up hurt, or worse stupid. I've told my mother time and time again i would be next, because i keep ending up doing stupid things. i'm not manipulative, that's sick of me to even do that, and whats worse is it gets worse til i end up being forced out of the relationship.
maybe that's why i lost the last two. maybe im just fooling myself that im not who i am. maybe im fooling myself to even deserving love. it feels like it, cause right now i know no matter what i say non intentionally it sounds stupid. i never felt i was that smart, otherwise i would consider myself perfect. i am a learner. i do learn. it just takes slow time. i don't think i'll ever be a deserving guy. sometimes i feel this way cause of my dumb actions.

i guess i'll stop talking now since im sure you all thinking im being either annoying, making excuses or sounding repetitive, or just that you will ignore this all together, it's not like anyone cares. at least i know i wont be sleeping tonight.

not asking for sympathy anyways, just understanding who i am.

*jurai or die*

PLEASE READ WOMEN.

this is from my friend Jessica Pounds - 

"I don't mind awareness posts and articles about a lot of things. But I think sometimes things are blown out of proportion. Some women like to share how they've been "victimized", and there are many cases where it actually is true. I know some. I think sometimes though, it's taken too far and small things that aren't actually supposed to be grouped with actual victimization are grouped in anyway.

But, as someone that has problems with both genders sometimes, the people who want to expand the definitions into areas that really don't fit forget what it's like on the other side. I've seen and known just as many (or more) guys hurt or victimized by women, but because they're a guy, their opinion isn't heard or it's "irrelevant". "Guys don't talk about their feelings." Guys can be at fault in many things, but women have their own ways. I have seen several examples of female "I'm right, you're wrong" attitudes that continue regardless of what the man says.

If that attitude continues into the area of equality or rights, at this rate, eventually female rights will try to take over male rights. If you really want equality, both sides need to realize they are equally hurt. Sure, guys can be jerks. But so can women. What the guys do just gets more publicity. Why? You hear about every kind of abuse that men can do to women, but when a woman is emotionally or mentally abusing a man, the man just needs to suck it up, according to the women. How many times do you hear a woman tell another that she needs to shut up because her man is right? Not often. So many men have been hurt emotionally by careless or uncaring girls, but what's done for them? Nothing. What's done for the women? Anything that can be pulled out of people with the right spokespeople.

I'm sorry women, but yes, I understand a lot of you may have been hurt. But don't take things too far and overthink it. Generally men don't read into things as deeply as you do, so if they see an argument that you took into irrelevant areas, they should be upset. And, don't forget about the men out there who try to do everything and get heartbreak and emotional scars in return. I'm guilty of causing a few scars myself, and I'm not proud of it. I've been a victim of some things from both genders, and some left scars I didn't really even realize were there. However, I focus on letting go of those things, not making either gender into something horrible and blowing things out of proportion.

(And please don't say that persistence on the guys' part is rape even when there's nothing physical or abusive about it. Some guys have to be persistent to even have a chance with a girl, but of course in movies, the guys are normally cute or sexy or whatever. Girls have known how annoying it can be when a guy isn't interested in them. They may think no one looks at them, when the ones who do, they won't even consider. So in order to even have a chance, if the guy is ABLE to muster enough confidence, he's probably going to need a lot of persistence to get anywhere at all, sometimes even to get just friendship.)

I may not be very girly most of the time, but I'm still female. I actually probably align more with guys' thinking, because I really don't understand girls. What I DO understand, though, is that equality doesn't just involve the good things. It also includes realizing that both genders have made mistakes, and that you can't blame the whole gender for some things, though it is VERY tempting, especially when many of one gender tend to do one thing. What about the women who are stubbornly right and won't accept the man's point of view? It happens in TV and movies and it happens in real life too. Who will you blame?

Women, I understand some of you are actual victims. But some noisy ones just take it too far, and so many times I've seen just as many guys hurt by women. If those guys aren't able to speak up, then I will speak up for them, because sometimes it takes a woman to say these things. Why? The same reason they're hurt. The women that hurt them wouldn't listen. (Sorry to the one friend who I saw the article in question from, but honestly, I think the article is overblown. I was actually more in agreaance with the comments I saw on the article page, because several people were thinking of both sides.)" 

Why MY Music Maybe Rare at times...

Many of you who respect me as a producer always wondered why i never do a fully self-produced project of my own, you may have not told me or  asked me, but i feel some of you who loved my production would always wondered that in thought. as a fellow musician, i feel my production is not for everybody, and while some artists who have never used my worked have respected and support my work still, i still appreciate that thought as well. it's always a hit or miss when a producer works on beats for other artists who have a certain style you are not accustomed to. in some points many of you artists have never used my work, but you respect and support my craft, and i do respect that.
my music is not for everyone. nor is my beats. i wont lie. i feel only certain people who understand my mentality of my craft can use them. no disrespect for those who love my work and never used them, but i wont lie, some producers are tailored to specific type of artists. in this case, artists like MIKEFLY, Akil Hikari, And some of my own artists. sometimes i make beats for my own amusement, not to be used by others, no lie, but just for the sake of being able to.

i want my production to be a rare thing, i want my production to be known for being made for the artists that know me as an artist first and producer second, so when you hear my production from another artist, the reaction is, "WOW, i didnt know he Made beats!"
That is the reaction i want. why you ask? because there are artists today that are known for having best of both worlds and are either successful, or stuck in the same route. Charles Hamilton proved that you can do both, but there are more artists who have done that before him, Timbaland, Pharrell Williams, And whether you hate him or not, Swizz Beatz is trying.

Kid Cudi is a new example, He was only known for his lyrics and his artistic style, now he's expanding his talents, Acting, Directing, And Even Producing. it's people like him is why i strive to expand my talents to a rare form. cause every thinks they are good in what they can accomplish of it all, and some are good, (in this case, Cudi)

Another example is Ryan Leslie & prince. They have done it for the large and longevity that they have expanded their own empires, yet people didn't know of their  capabilities, people didn't know Ryan Leslie had talent other than producing til after Cassie came out. And prince, Well it wasn't til after Purple Rain was made people realized he had beyond his own music abilities.


those people drive me to do what i do. and yet, they are half of the motivation i need at times to accomplish what i do. i can write music, and i can produce, but there are times i dont want to keep pursuing Hip Hop. No lie, it was actually not my first choice. i wanted to start a rock band. it's still on my to do list. and im not talking anything close to my music now. im talking a whole 360 of my current music.

so i suggest you get used to my current hip hop music, cause once the band is formed, i will be done with hip hop entirely. promise you that. (yes, im talking ala Kid Rock method except my shit isn't redneck or country, just straight rock shit.)

my Music Is Limited, yet memorable, hence why i dont want to make a full self produced solo project. at least not yet.
but during my last days in hip hop, it maybe done, you never know.
just be grateful for what im doing now, whether you rock my work or not.

*Jurai Or Die*

Delta Nexus: My Evolution.

Im happy the turnout of My second Album, "Yoku Masaki Vs. The World" and that it is Getting so Much Response from Fans throughout this year, i want to Personally Thank everyone who was involved in it again you made my sophomore project That Much better than My Flaky Debut. (which i'll admit, could have been better.)

now comes my evolution.

as you may have noticed, i Dont stop Grinding. And working.

Love.

Faith.

Peace.

Fate.

These things were on my mind While i was cotinuing to work on more and more music.

they have made me into a new person. a better person. a more clearer man.

a Delta NEXUS.

this is the focal point for my new album. to my art friends, if you can focus your work around theses things. and take it into consideration for art for the album.

here is one of the several covers for the album:

try to keep this in line for the artwork for the album. to the fans. BE PREPARED.

First single. TM77.

im back and im harder than ever Haters.

http://juraiordie.tumblr.com 

i will update more from there.

peace.

*Jurai Or Die*

I'll be Back...

But in the meantime, Check me Here:

http://Flavors.me/YokuMasaki
http://YokuMasaki.bandcamp.com
http://Soundcloud.com/Yoku-Masaki
http://Soundcloud.com/Yokumasakiproductions
http://twitter.com/YokuMasaki

Stay Gold Ravers.

*Juraiordie*

tale of a hopeless romantic

Ever since I was in two former relationships, I’ve had this urge to heal a girls heart, but everytime it seems I do, it always looks like I’m being obsessive, and its not that I shouldn’t, its just its a force of habit. If there was one woman out there in the world who knew me and would understand my feelings and would give me that acceptance, maybe they would receive my full heart as the reward. Everytime I’m alittle over friendly to my single female friends online, they think I’m treating them like I’m forcing a relationship when in reality I’m not even trying to have one with them. Then after that I explain it to them, they stop talking to me forever. I’m slowly feeling once again that love will no longer be in my life and feel that I should just quit all together. My friends even think I’m being obessive when I’m not trying to be. Losing some female friends suck in my eyes. And don’t give me the “fuck these h*es ” speech, cause it will come to a point being heartless won’t work, nor is it in my nature. So yeah, hence why I know I am truly utterly alone.

been awhile,,,,

it's been a minute right?

Ok, this maybe a quick post for those who follow me here only.

peep the video.

*Juraiordie*